


Spiral

by CaffieneKitty



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 221B Ficlet, Depression, Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Missing Scene, POV John Watson, Self-Recrimination, Shock, Squinty Gen, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-30 17:30:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffieneKitty/pseuds/CaffieneKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene for near the end of 2.03 to go with <a href="http://pics.livejournal.com/caffienekitty/pic/00ac19gb.jpg">this screencap</a> from the episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spiral

**Author's Note:**

> _Originally posted on Livejournal May 19, 2012_

The clock ticks, and he can't decide if he wants to stop it.

He wants eggs and toast, wants to break something small and controlled, not too much or he won't stop breaking.

He's not hungry. He doesn't want to see anything else break.

He wants to scream but that would mean he was actually here, making noise, and all of this was real. He doesn't want to eat. He doesn't want to want, he doesn't want to be. He sees, over and over and he can't make it stop, can't make it rewind, changing down to up. Time goes one way, tick of the clock and the moment's passed. No going back.

_What should I have said? What did I not say that made him-? What did I say that made him-?_

The clock ticks, loud in the unfamiliar lack of loud. His bare feet rest on the carpet, lost scraps of something shattered digging into his soles.

_Why did he-? What did I-? I was right there. How did I fail him? How was I not enough?_

Not enough to make him stay, stop, step backwards instead of forwards, time unwinding, reversing.

Time goes one way. Forwards. A black fluttering, down, down, done.

_What should I have done? What could I have done?_

The clock ticks, time progressing for the world, leaving John behind.


End file.
